It’s going down, we’re talking Tinder.
Christina Lu / BuzzFeed
My friend whom I have a massive crush on found me on Tinder — the one I made him get so that maybe he wouldn't find out what a massive crush I have on him. We right-swiped each other obviously 'cause that's friend etiquette, right? Now we just send each other ridiculous Tinder screenshots and bond over it. I was secretly pleased when his first Tinder date sucked because “she didn't think he was funny.” I think he's hilarious.
I'd been on Tinder a few months, and had a pretty good idea of the lay of the land. Two-thirds of matches respond to me, and going from the app to texting is a big move that usually takes a day or two of Tinder chatting.
So it was with great excitement that one of my matches not only offered her number up right away, but actually called me the night we matched after a few texts (warning sign No. 1). The conversation was a little forward (warning sign No. 2), but we hit it off, so I didn't think much of it.
Some texting the next day led to an unsolicited topless photo, and demands for selfies (warning sign No. 3). Now, I don't take selfies — I abhor them — but I thought, Don't be a grandpa, this is what all the cool kids are doing! So I took a photo and sent it, not knowing that this was the key with which I had unlocked a Pandora's box of crazytown.
What followed was a barrage of texts and calls at random times of the day and night, demands for more pictures, and quick flashes of anger if I did not text or call back right away. She was more possessive than all my previous girlfriends combined, and we hadn't even met! One time she badgered me for hanging out with my male friend on a Saturday, made veiled references to us being gay, and even refused to let me get off the phone while he and I were ordering sushi.
The behavior was so odd that I decided to look her up on Facebook, which led to googling, which led me to a website dedicated to women who catfish athletes. Turns out my match is a compulsive liar who used to catfish athletes (maybe still does?!). Frankly, I didn't know if I should be pumped that I was a rung down from “pro athlete” or ashamed that she figured she “needed to move on to dumber prey” and zeroed in on me. A Google reverse image search showed me half the images she posted on Tinder were not really her. I was in a total panic and we had a date set up the next day.
I canceled the date, ignored some angry texts and more fake photos, and learned a valuable Tinder lesson: You're going to have to work hard and pass some tests for me to give up my number now.
Christina Lu / BuzzFeed
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